Maybe for You by Nicole McLaughlin

Author:Nicole McLaughlin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press

Twelve

Alex held her breath as Jake drove into the cemetery. She’d been here before, over a year ago, riding in a black limo and holding hands with Nathan’s mother, Regina. Numb, still in shock.

Today was different than any other day so far on the trip. Knowing they were visiting, she’d woken up feeling depressed, but it wasn’t the same emotion she’d felt a year ago. It had become less about devastation and anger, and more about the loss of what would never be. The sadness of moving on to things that had nothing to do with Nate or the life they’d been planning. The life she’d be living right now if he hadn’t been taken from this earth. From her.

“Take a right here, I think,” she said to Jake, clutching the red rose she’d picked up at a grocery store nearby. “I remember that big magnolia tree. It’s on this side.”

She watched out the window as he pulled slowly through the tree-lined road that winded through the cemetery.

“Stop,” she said quickly.

He did so, pulling over to the side. They sat there in silence for a moment, the truck idling. Alex let her eyes scan the rows of gravestones until she thought she saw a few that might be his. It was hard to tell, considering things had looked so different at Nate’s service when there’d been so many people. Or maybe it was because she’d been in such a fog that day.

“I can remember the day of his funeral like it just happened,” she said.

Jake didn’t reply but reached over and squeezed her hand. There was really nothing he could say. She knew this must be somewhat odd for him, but she was glad he was here with her. A strong, calm person. A friend, who let her feel what she needed and, even better, share when it made her feel better.

She looked over at him. “I changed my mind. Will you come with me?”

The look on his face let her know that he hadn’t expected the request. “Of course.”

Alex watched him get out and round the front of the truck. He made his way up to her door and opened it, something he’d never done before, but hadn’t hesitated, as if he knew she needed help every step of the way to get through this.

Grieving a loved one was a funny thing. One moment you felt like the progress you’d made was so significant you might be a new person inside, ready to take on the world. Only to take a fresh breath and once again feel the weight of your pain like it was brand new.

The minute her nose inhaled the scent of that magnolia, she went back to that day, when she’d sat beside a grieving mother crying with so much anguish that she’d almost felt guilty for not doing the same. Was a man’s fiancée supposed to be crying like that, she’d wondered. She hadn’t wanted to, but the sound of Regina Williams’ pain had made her feel like she was drowning in the kind of sorrow that literally killed someone.

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